SAYACINTAINDONESIA — Hi, introduce me Rein. Here now i want to write a little bit about my self story that maybe can give you some motivation to get a better self.
Since childhood, I have thought to become the person my friends want me to be, so that other people want to be friends with me. That’s where I started to always accept and do what my friends ask, even if it harms myself, I don’t care. I just need to look different in front of them so I can do what they ask and end up not letting them down.
Once my friend was disappointed with me because I refused his invitation, my refusal to do that made me have no friends. I was so angry with myself, hated myself as if I had made a very big mistake. I don’t want to repeat what I did, it feels like I have to keep paying something to keep my friend around, and will continue to be.
It turns out that with my nature like this, it is easy for other people to take advantage of me, because since childhood I have always demanded of myself to be obedient. It’s really hard for me to just say ‘no’ and never get angry with other people. Even to just open up to other people, I always think, “what if they’re burdened with my story?” It makes me end up harboring it and letting it pile up even more, or when I feel that I have troubled other people then the anger and hate comes back again, and makes me think that I shouldn’t be in this world, I’m just to be a bother.
Until I realized that all this time I was wrong, I lied and even damaged my feelings just for other people, who subconsciously needed support and couldn’t stand on my own. I don’t need to be someone else, just be myself to stay alive instead of being someone else which makes me sick and want to end everything.
I just want other people to accept me as I am. I no longer have to think about how other people feel, until I have trouble sleeping for days. To myself, I just want to say “it’s okay to be a little selfish, don’t be so busy thinking about other people’s feelings that your own feelings are ignored.”
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